Tonight I was driving home late thinking about all the things waiting for me at my apartment. A nice shower, some emailing, much needed nail painting. Mostly I thought of my bed and how nice it would be to go and lie down in it and get to bed nearly on time, because that would mean that I would be refreshed, energized, and ready to take on my day tomorrow. It would mean I would get a really good quality work out in because I wouldn’t feel too tired or lazy to do what I needed to… unlike today. I swallowed as I digested that last bit. Today I had busied myself with tasks that filled up my day, but didn’t really need to fill up my day. I put off the workout I’d promised myself that I would accomplish.
My inner dialogue began to kick in. It really was like one of those cheesy sitcom moments where you see an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. “I could still go to the gym and get my workout in,” little angel side of me said, my inner June. “But, my stomach feels a little achy and I have to get up so early…” the other side of me reasoned. They went back and forth. I needed to get that run in. I needed sleep. It would be so easy to go to the gym; I had all my stuff with me. It would be so easy to climb under that fluffy comforter; I was ready to fall asleep. How nice would it be to log in my miles tonight? How nice would it be to SLEEP! I used to get my workout in at night all the time in high school and college. That one hurt.
By this time, I had exited and was coming up to a stoplight. Turning left would take me home, and turning right would take me to the gym. Somehow, this small decision of which way to steer my car seemed monumental to deciding the core of my being. Now, there could be no peace. I turned right. Instantly, I was so proud of myself. What a silly thing too. As I drove to the gym I kept thinking of all the moments that could possibly deter me from my gym workout now. A phone call, a red light, a u-turn, the knowledge that no one else would know the difference. None of them did, and I was so happy with myself. I got to the gym and got in a quality workout, one I can build on. I know it’s small, and it’s hardly worth bragging about. I realized all this as I was feeling these emotions, but I also realized that it’s these small moments that make me who I am. There was a sort of scary, wonderful freedom acknowledging that it is my decision alone whether I am fast or slow, fat or thin, strong or weak, happy or sad. Maybe I was weak this afternoon, but I was strong tonight. Tomorrow I will be strong again, because this is the precedent I am setting for myself today.