My timing for the new year was spot on. While it seems like the holiday season might be the time for professions of love and adoration (especially if you watch Love Actually), for me it was just the opposite. My December culminated in some severe romantic closures. Though it was a harsh brush with reality, the finality of these situations gave me an awesome opportunity to start anew.
I woke up Sunday morning ready to attack the day, and as things got going, I was ready to attack the year. I literally ran up a mountain, and I was running with a purpose. Finally! After a year of hanging on to hope and spinning my wheels in complacency, I found the shotgun cue to make me take off sprinting.
With every step up along the trail I thought of all the things that I was going to do to make me amazing. I thought of how I am proud of what I’d done with myself so far, but realized it wasn’t enough to get what I really want, both personally and professionally. My mind seemed to be racing with my feet, and the more ideas and possibilities I thought of, the stronger my push-off got. I thought of everything I want to do and to be, and what steps I will take to get there. By time I was looking off the peak of the mountain at the city and the ocean, I felt like it was all mine for the taking. I felt like the people down there were going to meet a girl they’d never seen anything like before.
Some say that your motivation should all be intrinsic, that your motivation should lie from within. They say that using external motivation leads to a disappointing reward. I think that knowledge and desire for those intrinsic rewards is an important foundation, but that when you find something that you really need, which is likely an external lying motivation, you should hold onto that and use it to your advantage. If it helps you go after worthwhile goals, then all the better.
So what if my breaking point came from a need to prove something and rebound from a disappointing year? A little pressure is a good thing. It’ll help me move faster.
So what that an ulterior motive for being successful, organized, healthy, and gorgeous is to make someone eat-your-heart-out jealous of my next boyfriend? When it comes down to it, even if he never thinks of me again, I’ll still be thriving and happy with who I am, what I’m doing, and where I’m going.