Females have a shameful reputation for having cutthroat, catty relationships with one another. While it’s certainly possible for us to have true friendships with one another, more often than not we’re left wanting for the honest camaraderie that our male counterparts seem to share so effortlessly. While guys wingman and cover for their bros, we pounce on our girlfriends’ weaknesses and ruthlessly run over one another.
Some people say it’s our nature, but I don’t agree. Look at the animal kingdom. Male animals are ferocious in their quest for dominance, and in many cases don’t live harmoniously with each other. There is only one lion for a herd of lionesses, one male beta fish per fish bowl, one male parakeet per cage. Female roles in nature are significantly more amiable. Biologically speaking, it seems that we should get along much better. So what happened?
I think that male friendships are aided by deeply ingrained cultural expectations. Traditionally, men have held the role of aggressors in society. Until relatively recently, they’ve been the ones fighting wars, playing sports, and hunting game. For generations men have been afforded outlets for their aggression while women sit around with social gatherings as their only chance for competition. Thankfully, we’re getting out of those cultural norms, and we can leave the archaic cat fighting behind with them.
You may have heard of the Bro Code, a system of guidelines dictating male friendship that were simply understood until recently when one of the How I Met Your Mother characters spelled them out directly and then wrote a book on the subject. From wingman mentality to beer orders, the rules ensure that no man walks alone. The official book spells out 150 detailed articles on how to have each other’s backs. So while men have a band of bros constantly working on their behalf, women have to go against the bro alliance plus a bunch of other underhanded women. We need help.
I propose a much more limited but just as important set of rules that acts as counterpart to the Bro Code. Listed below are rules that, if followed properly, can make our lives and our dinner parties much more harmonious.
The Chick Commandments
1. Thou shall not place dicks before chicks. If a guy comes between you and your best friend, leave him behind. You don’t want him at such a high cost. This commandment is important because it is our counter to bros’ number one amendment, “bros before hos.”
2. Thou shall help another chick’s image. Talk up your chick. “She is so funny!” “I really like her because…” “She pulls off that dress.” Look for the positive in chicks and talk it up. Not only are you helping her out, you will be more confident. Underhanded, unfounded trash talk on the other hand is never attractive (See #3).
3. Thou shall not talk shit behind another chick’s back. Less is more when it comes to voicing opinions about your chicks. Your thoughts on bad haircuts, ugly cupcakes, stupid behavior, etc. should all be kept to yourself or spoken directly to chick in form of joke or solicited advice.
In a bigger picture, a chick shall not talk shit about women in general. As in, “Uggg! Women drivers suck,” “Most girls can’t play sports, but I’m an exception,” or especially, “I wouldn’t trust a woman president. Think about their PMS.” Chicks don’t insult their entire gender with outdated stereotypes.
4. Remember a chicks’ big days and celebrate accordingly. Birthdays, anniversaries, promotions- they’re all so much better when hyped up by your best buds. Be there with a gesture, card, or party for your chicks to let them know you care.
5. Honor a chick’s secrets. When a chick tells you something in confidence, keep the secret. Gossip is reserved for common enemies…like the bitch who stole her promotion. Chicks gotta be able to trust other chicks.
6. Thou shall not catfight. There is nothing worse than two girls fighting. Whether it’s for a man, a purse, a parking spot, it makes no difference. It’s trashy.
7. Thou shall not commit adultery. There are enough good guys to go around, and the reason he looks so appealing right now is because he’s making her so happy, meaning they are good together. Even if they’re not, let them work it out. A chick doesn’t hurt or betray another chick. Set your sights somewhere else.
If, perchance, a chick breaks up with a man you’re interested in, don’t get involved with him unless she’s given her blessing. This only is applicable to relationships of extremely short duration and shallow feelings.
8. Thou shall not steal another chick’s thunder. Let your girls have their thing, their day in the sun, their expertise. If she prides herself on building forts, don’t show her up with a castle. If she told a good joke, don’t steal her punchline at the next party.
9. Thou shall not bear false witness to another chick. Don’t lie to another chick. If you don’t want to hang out one night, if you lost her earring, if you think she’s being unreasonable or wearing too small of a skirt, just own up to it. The truth is hard, but a chick’s gotta know she has an honest advocate.
10. Thou shall not covet another chick. Her successes aren’t your shortcomings. Be happy for her achievements and proud of her qualities. Help her along and check your jealousy.
Follow these rules religiously, as they are important to who we are and what our culture may become. Share and talk with your friends. It’s important to change our attitudes and expectations together! Let’s go girls.