Every now and then, we get to show what we’re made of. If we are lucky, every now and then, we get to create or bring about something that is bigger than ourselves, but that still unmistakably has ourself written all over it. In these times, we rise to the occasion and get back in meaning and fulfillment at least as much as we invest in time and energy.
Sometimes, it is taken away.
In such cases, I am angry and resentful, I feel helpless and sad, and I don’t know always how to react, at least not right away. I go over what I did wrong and what I could have done better. I think of all the ways to get even or to make whoever is responsible for my heartbreak feel just as bad as I do. I want everyone to know them for who they really are and assure myself that their true colors will come through. Most of the time I add in the thoughts I’m supposed to have like understanding the other side and listing all the good things I have from the experience. Inevitably, some emotional trigger brings the injustice of it all back.
Usually I want to be strong and show it by taking the high road. I think things like, the best way to get even is to be better from the experience and unrattled in my response. Sometimes it’s kill them with kindness. Or I think, if they make me mad, I’m just falling into their trap to make me seem irrational or erratic. I don’t want to seem as if I’m too weak to be accountable for my actions. Instead, I’ll take the blame for failings, divert my suspicions of injustice, and do what I can from there to move forward. Continue reading