Watching the World Cup never ceases to inspire me. Seeing athletes laying everything on the line, giving everything to the game is goosebumps worthy. Of course, mixing this immense show of passion with a couple pints of beer only magnifies the wonderful soccer feelings. This current revelation, however, was not Guinness-induced. It came after watching Spain and Iran battle out 90+ minutes of emotional roller coaster soccer.

I always like to watch how the players move off of the ball. You see how each player allocates his extra effort. Who does he move to defend or to combine with? Where he works the hardest gives a clue as to which players he sees as most valuable and to where he sees his own value. For instance, Spain’s Iniesta always moves to support players on the ball for a short pass to connect two teammates; he rarely looks to position himself for the shot on goal. Pique will rush to support developing play from the back and instinctively looks to get the ball off of his feet; though he offers his height as a target for corners and free kicks, he gives most of his effort to his role as defender. In today’s game, Australia’s Arvani seemed to move everywhere, undiscerning and unlimited in where he would spend his energy. He took chances like no one had ever told him it wasn’t his place to do so (and he’s 19, so, maybe he has that luxury).

The games go so quickly, no player stops to weigh the pros and cons of moving one way or another. No one questions the meaning of their instinctive reactions. It is reflection and review, the slow motion replay that reveals those hidden messages.  Continue reading →

Last night in the movie theater, a dear guy friend of mine leaned over to whispersplain the nuance of Meryl Streep’s acting to me. Leaving aside the fact that I hate talking during movies, I was pissed off that he took me out of the apex of the movie to tell me nonchalantly that this was the turning point for her character (p.s. that’s not a spoiler). Before his interruption, I was really feeling the gravity of the moment, relating to her experience as a woman, and it also kind of irked me that he didn’t seem moved by it.

When it comes to gender equality issues, men don’t quite get what the hullabaloo is about. Given the culture and structure of society and the fact that they have not felt negative effects of gender inequality, no one should blame them for this innate gap in knowledge. The trouble is that they think they understand it, and they won’t shut up long enough to learn about the ridiculous burdens they place on women by being unaware of the power disparities they benefit from and contribute to, knowingly or not.

Continue reading →

Who’s hanging out in your family tree, and what have they done to you??

As grown adults on a family therapy kick, my sister and I asked our dad about our family lineage.  He first tried to pass the buck on to my grandma, laughing it off and telling us to ask her because she loves that stuff.  When we kept prodding, he finally said, ‘What if I told you that your great great grandfather was the mayor of their town and ran for president?’ Jules and I both responded with excited grins and an instant barrage of follow up questions. My dad, surprised, laughed with confusion and answered, ‘No, not really, but what does it matter?  You could say anything and it doesn’t make a difference. You are who you are.’

We did not see it the same way. My grandma has long reported that among other things our great great great uncle by marriage was the real Uncle Sam and that we had a distant relative who lived in a cave in Oklahoma during the dust bowl.  Along with those rather intriguing bits of history, we loved hearing about our ancestors and their farms and charms. It was easy to see the origin of some of our family traits, the good obviously highlighted more than the bad.

It turns out my sister and I were right and Dad was wrong (so, ha ha ha)!  Neuroscientists and psychologists are finding more and more support for the theory that family trauma is passed down from generation to generation. Everything from hormone levels, to language, to phobias can be and commonly are inherited.  The amount of stress a mother is experiencing while she is pregnant imprints itself on her baby’s DNA, and as a result via the reproductive cells already in that child’s body, she also creates a ripple effect that will last for three generations to come.

Check out some of the research:

• Neurobiology research on PTSD in Holocaust survivors and their descendants shows effects of PTSD in survivors’ children, including similar predispositions to depression and anxiety.
• Similar findings were found in 9-11 survivors’ and war veterans’ children with an increase in their number of activated genes that were related to PTSD.
• One mice study found that when mothers were shocked in the presence of a cherry blossom scent, they increased the number of receptor cells in the brain dedicated to detecting cherry blossom scent.  When they later became pregnant and gave birth, their babies were born with the same high number of receptors for cherry blossom and without the mother’s influence jumped when introduced to the scent.  The first mother’s effects continued for 3 generations.

In his book, It Didn’t Start With You, Mark Wolynn methodically presents the research showing how families pass down trauma from one generation to the next both biologically and behaviorally.  He says, “Unresolved traumas from our family history spill into successive generations, blending into our emotions, reactions, and choices in ways we never think to question.”  Uncovering the mysteries that live in our family history reveal answers to the world we live in today. He talks about the opportunity that this understanding holds for us. “The traumas we inherit or experience firsthand can not only create a legacy of distress, but also forge a legacy of strength and resilience that can be felt for generations to come.”

Wolynn’s prompts incited me to recall a proud history of my family overcoming adversity and showing strong character.  From a bounce back from the dust bowl and the depression to bringing or keeping orphaned siblings together, my family heritage has plenty to imply that tenacity and character are a part of my backbone.

But I know there is so much more. I want to know the how, when and why behind the branches on the family tree.  I want to know how I’m continuing the family tradition and why I am doing it.  This book is a pure treasure chest of family introspection, and I suspect it may be an instrument of torture for some of my less enthused relatives when I get to my deeper digging.

The powerful takeaway with this relatively new-to-psychology and brand new-to-me knowledge is that our world is way bigger than it seems.  There is an energy that connects us and continues beyond us in every direction, and we are all a part of it.

Ilk (rhymes with silk)

(noun) a type of something similar to those already referred to.  Often used in phrase “of that ilk” meaning of that kind, origin, designation, or name.

Examples:

Though she adored the designer clothing worn by Kate Middleton and her ilk, June’s budget demanded a less glamorous wardrobe.

Scott Pruitt and his ilk claim that leading the world in energy innovation is a disadvantage to the U.S., but June knew that position was based on their selfish interests.

Trolley dilemma takes your beliefs and morality for a test drive

We define ourselves by the hard lines that we will not cross.  As we encounter new challenges and new environments, those lines may shift, reshaping our beliefs right along with them. These lines, these attitudes and morals, build our perception of how the world should be and who we should be while we are in it. So what better way to challenge a reality than to test it with new dilemmas that create some tension on those lines?

This method of reality shifting is more of a warm up for bigger changes and new ideas.  Offering no right or wrong answers, it simply asks questions, begs for discussion, and according to some solid research published in Science, activates areas of the brain used specifically in emotional reasoning.  This type of reasoning slows down thought processes, lessens working memory (as is typically activated in reasoning), and activates three areas of the brain associated with emotion. Continue reading →

Singer Marion Anderson shakes hands with Secretary of the Interior Ickes during the dedication of the Lincoln Memorial.  Interactions like this make a big difference in shaping peoples’ views.

One way that we hold our own identities intact is by surrounding ourselves with like minded people and influences.  This tactic is becoming progressively easier to carry out because the online world gives us more opportunity to connect with people of our specific choosing and to reinforce our deeply held assumptions about the world and the people who inhabit it.  We give ourselves the benefit of distance from opposing viewpoints. While we cannot talk someone out of this reality he’s created, we can introduce them to people whose stories and presence may lead him to his own change of heart.

The key to today’s reality shifting trick is to disrupt a previously held belief by introducing a flesh and blood person who challenges that belief, or who that belief harms. Recent research shows that compassion is an integral part of human nature.  Encounters with those in need or those who need help trigger a compassionate response and build our compassionate nature. Continue reading →