Where we are financially compared to where we want to be and what we see around us has a profound impact on how we view and value ourselves.

This morning I woke up with a sore throat and stomach ache that only intensified as I began to get ready for my morning workout.  Ten minutes later I was back in bed with the light out, definitely not where I planned to be at that hour and definitely missing my run.

When I finally woke up for good two hours later, I gathered up my tax forms and scooted out the door to go meet with a potential tax accountant.   We went over my financial history and talked about plans for the future, and though my team was very kind and helpful, when I got to my car, I couldn’t help reflecting on the events in my life that led me to the numbers on my financial report. Tears naturally followed. Just as I missed my run this morning, I felt that I had missed out on opportunities that would have led me to a stable idea of my future. This is not where I planned to be at this stage in my life.

Continue reading →

Birth order can offer clues as to which relationships will thrive and which will be more of a struggle.

“You can virtually predict what’s going to happen in a relationship by figuring out what a person’s birth order is.”

-Armand DiMele

Believing in birth order’s implications for predicting relationship success is a tempting  and well-backed choice. With renowned psychologists attesting to its accuracy and attentive to its effects, it is difficult not to jump on board. Or maybe, given my impulsive last-born nature it is hard for me not to jump on board. (you’ll get that reference better by the end of this article). Continue reading →

BACK POCKET QUESTION: a question you have readily available to use in any social situation with any audience that helps start conversation and open up dialogue.

When caught facing an acquaintance with zero words to fill the awkward silence between you, coming up with a conversation starter can seem next to impossible.  In that moment, pressure builds to turn the mood around, and that intensity almost stacks the odds against your chance of success.  Luckily, there is one trick to saving the interaction before it gets too out of hand. The “back-pocket question” is a simple strategy that will get you out of many awkward interactions and spur interesting conversations and friendships.

Back pocket questions span a wide range of environments and functions.  Emotional Intelligence experts, relationship advisors, and professional interviewers are a few sources who recommend having one prepared to use to get to know someone better.  They recommend asking anything from “where are you from” and “what do you do?” to “what ice cream flavor describes you best?”  While many back pocket questions seem to be either painfully obvious or super cheesy, any one can be effective if the intent and meaning behind it is well thought out and purposeful. Continue reading →

Taking leaps of faith into unknown territory can become a healthy habit.

Opportunity seems to elude us in times when we need it most, and often we become accustomed to the idea that there are no chances to be taken. I’ve known this mental challenge in athletic, academic, and professional environments. I see no way out of a cycle that seems to be unbreakable. However, in time, I always see missed opportunities and kick myself for not realizing what I could have done sooner.

“I wish I knew what I know now, when I was younger…” -Faces

Lately I’ve felt similarly stuck in a pattern of inactivity in the relationship department. It seems that I’m surrounded by a hopeless sea of couples and college kids and that I may as well go knock on Sacred Heart’s door to sign up for a life of charitable devotion. However, a few days ago when I was making out a fresh list of goals, I happened to add in a line that’s reframed my mindset and refocused my vision.

Just a simple line: “Do something brave everyday.” Continue reading →

We’ve all known the torture of a lingering heartache, whether it’s holding on to the hope of someone who is slipping away or having someone relentlessly pursue you despite your best efforts to push them away. Knowing how the brain works when we’re in these situations is a powerful way to prevent the sickening feelings of unrequited love.

1. Become a habit. Almost anything or anyone can become a habit, and habits are hard to break because they become cravings. In fact, neuroscience tells us that once a habit forms, the brain automatically becomes less active in deciding how to respond to a cue.   The more practiced the response to the cue, the deeper the habit. So if you call someone everyday on your drive home from work, you are probably doing this habitually. On the other end, that person expects to hear from you every day at that certain time, so you are a habit for them as well.  Here’s how you make a habit: Continue reading →

Dear Little College Student,

Tell me again not to play the “gender card.” Explain to me the crutch these ambitious women love to use.  I’ve been right where you are in those empowered shoes. I’ve walked those campus pathways where no bias remains.  Where I can hang with the boys, and they treat me the same.  Where compliments about my legs are never taken the wrong way. Being too sensitive to niceties would give women a bad name.

I saw just as you do, my life is up to me. I’ll be judged on my merit, my potential, and my integrity.  Soon you will strut these streets, outside your university. You’ll watch the guys who you out pace pass by you at inexplicable speed.  You may suspect some injustice, but you can’t honestly believe that sexism is to blame for this inequality.

Until one day you hear the words out loud you tried so long to deny.  Your work wasn’t taken seriously because you aren’t a guy.  You feel mad and shocked but not confused; you’re strangely justified. Then you look back and see so clearly the chances that sneaked by.  Little differences everyday that weren’t all in your mind. You see expectations and assumptions that undermined your rights, and though you have the evidence you don’t understand why. Continue reading →

Travel is stressful for a panoply of reasons, not the least of which is the backdrop of hostage planes and terrorist attacks.  In times of stress, our minds have a tendency to jump to worst case scenario.  However, there is a way to grab hold of the reins on this wandering line of thought so that you feel more control and consequently less stress. Continue reading →

Combine a New Yorker version of Tigger voice with spot on psychology and caring, productive advice and you get The Positive Mind Radio podcast.  Clinical psychologist Armand Dimele discusses topical psychology and then talks to callers about whatever they’re going through, occasionally relating to the same discussion.  His voice and insight are both very remarkable and comforting. A caller will say something as non descript as “I’m making macaroni and cheese,” and he comes back with some uncomprehendable knowledge like, “So you’re the oldest of 5 children and you just broke your arm playing basketball with your Dad, whom never said I love you enough?” And he’s always right.

My sister and I binge listened to his program with smiles on our faces, chiming in every now and then with, “Do you think Joe’s a narcissist?” or “Do you feel that way?”  It’s really the most comforting advice, even if it doesn’t immediately apply to you. It just makes you feel like your world is going to be okay.

Online podcast: http://www.thepositivemind.com/radio_frame.php