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Cheating June

~ An Abridged Guide to Being a Modern Super Woman

Cheating June

Category Archives: Pre-Election

The Financial Mirror

02 Wednesday Nov 2016

Posted by lovelycoach in Pre-Election

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African American workers at the Bureau of Engraving: 1945 ca

Where we are financially compared to where we want to be and what we see around us has a profound impact on how we view and value ourselves.

 

This morning I woke up with a sore throat and stomach ache that only intensified as I began to get ready for my morning workout.  Ten minutes later I was back in bed with the light out, definitely not where I planned to be at that hour and definitely missing my run.

When I finally woke up for good two hours later, I gathered up my tax forms and scooted out the door to go meet with a potential tax accountant.   We went over my financial history and talked about plans for the future, and though my team was very kind and helpful, when I got to my car, I couldn’t help reflecting on the events in my life that led me to the numbers on my financial report. Tears naturally followed. Just as I missed my run this morning, I felt that I had missed out on opportunities that would have led me to a stable idea of my future. This is not where I planned to be at this stage in my life.

Continue reading →

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Birth Order Insight for Relationships

28 Tuesday Jun 2016

Posted by lovelycoach in Pre-Election

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white christmas

Birth order can offer clues as to which relationships will thrive and which will be more of a struggle.

“You can virtually predict what’s going to happen in a relationship by figuring out what a person’s birth order is.”

-Armand DiMele

Believing in birth order’s implications for predicting relationship success is a tempting  and well-backed choice. With renowned psychologists attesting to its accuracy and attentive to its effects, it is difficult not to jump on board. Or maybe, given my impulsive last-born nature it is hard for me not to jump on board. (you’ll get that reference better by the end of this article). Continue reading →

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How to Develop Purposeful Back Pocket Questions

21 Tuesday Jun 2016

Posted by lovelycoach in Pre-Election

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BACK POCKET QUESTION: a question you have readily available to use in any social situation with any audience that helps start conversation and open up dialogue.

When caught facing an acquaintance with zero words to fill the awkward silence between you, coming up with a conversation starter can seem next to impossible.  In that moment, pressure builds to turn the mood around, and that intensity almost stacks the odds against your chance of success.  Luckily, there is one trick to saving the interaction before it gets too out of hand. The “back-pocket question” is a simple strategy that will get you out of many awkward interactions and spur interesting conversations and friendships.

back pocket mccalls

Back pocket questions span a wide range of environments and functions.  Emotional Intelligence experts, relationship advisors, and professional interviewers are a few sources who recommend having one prepared to use to get to know someone better.  They recommend asking anything from “where are you from” and “what do you do?” to “what ice cream flavor describes you best?”  While many back pocket questions seem to be either painfully obvious or super cheesy, any one can be effective if the intent and meaning behind it is well thought out and purposeful. Continue reading →

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Aside

3 Enthralling and World-Widening Reads

18 Monday Apr 2016

Posted by lovelycoach in Book Club, Pre-Election

≈ 2 Comments

Despite a lifetime of history and social studies, I managed to remain ignorant about the ways of the not-too-distant rest of the world. In our little American island, I suspect the majority of us know little more than bare basics about world cultures and history.  Hearing first hand stories of people from different countries and times tremendously helps add detail and life to our hollow knowledge.

These are three books I’ve stumbled upon recently that each opened my eyes to other cultures and world events.  They’re all beautifully crafted books that take place in roughly the same time period (1940’s-present day). They masterfully paint a picture of the human side of the political unrest that still profoundly affects the Middle East and Eastern Europe. Continue reading →

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Something Brave Everyday

17 Sunday Apr 2016

Posted by lovelycoach in Pre-Election

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Horsewoman riding side-saddle jumping a fence at the Moonta Show

Taking leaps of faith into unknown territory can become a healthy habit.

Opportunity seems to elude us in times when we need it most, and often we become accustomed to the idea that there are no chances to be taken. I’ve known this mental challenge in athletic, academic, and professional environments. I see no way out of a cycle that seems to be unbreakable. However, in time, I always see missed opportunities and kick myself for not realizing what I could have done sooner.

“I wish I knew what I know now, when I was younger…” -Faces

Lately I’ve felt similarly stuck in a pattern of inactivity in the relationship department. It seems that I’m surrounded by a hopeless sea of couples and college kids and that I may as well go knock on Sacred Heart’s door to sign up for a life of charitable devotion. However, a few days ago when I was making out a fresh list of goals, I happened to add in a line that’s reframed my mindset and refocused my vision.

Just a simple line: “Do something brave everyday.” Continue reading →

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5 Scientific Ways to Keep Someone Hanging On or Turn Them Loose

11 Monday Apr 2016

Posted by lovelycoach in Pre-Election

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We’ve all known the torture of a lingering heartache, whether it’s holding on to the hope of someone who is slipping away or having someone relentlessly pursue you despite your best efforts to push them away. Knowing how the brain works when we’re in these situations is a powerful way to prevent the sickening feelings of unrequited love.

1. Become a habit. Almost anything or anyone can become a habit, and habits are hard to break because they become cravings. In fact, neuroscience tells us that once a habit forms, the brain automatically becomes less active in deciding how to respond to a cue.   The more practiced the response to the cue, the deeper the habit. So if you call someone everyday on your drive home from work, you are probably doing this habitually. On the other end, that person expects to hear from you every day at that certain time, so you are a habit for them as well.  Here’s how you make a habit: Continue reading →

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Playing the Gender Card

14 Sunday Feb 2016

Posted by lovelycoach in Pre-Election

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Card game, circa 1930s

Dear Little College Student,

Tell me again not to play the “gender card.” Explain to me the crutch these ambitious women love to use.  I’ve been right where you are in those empowered shoes. I’ve walked those campus pathways where no bias remains.  Where I can hang with the boys, and they treat me the same.  Where compliments about my legs are never taken the wrong way. Being too sensitive to niceties would give women a bad name.

I saw just as you do, my life is up to me. I’ll be judged on my merit, my potential, and my integrity.  Soon you will strut these streets, outside your university. You’ll watch the guys who you out pace pass by you at inexplicable speed.  You may suspect some injustice, but you can’t honestly believe that sexism is to blame for this inequality.

Until one day you hear the words out loud you tried so long to deny.  Your work wasn’t taken seriously because you aren’t a guy.  You feel mad and shocked but not confused; you’re strangely justified. Then you look back and see so clearly the chances that sneaked by.  Little differences everyday that weren’t all in your mind. You see expectations and assumptions that undermined your rights, and though you have the evidence you don’t understand why. Continue reading →

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How to Feel Safe in an Airport

22 Tuesday Dec 2015

Posted by lovelycoach in Pre-Election

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19500000 03 United Air Lines Food Service
Travel is stressful for a panoply of reasons, not the least of which is the backdrop of hostage planes and terrorist attacks.  In times of stress, our minds have a tendency to jump to worst case scenario.  However, there is a way to grab hold of the reins on this wandering line of thought so that you feel more control and consequently less stress. Continue reading →

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Becoming a Hero

21 Monday Dec 2015

Posted by lovelycoach in Math and Science, Pre-Election

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Women surf lifesavers in action at Brighton beach
There are many times in American culture when we know something is better left unsaid or when we are certain someone else’s life is none of our business.  However, sometimes this bleeds into too familiar territory, and we miss out on chances to say what needs to be said, to intervene to help someone we care about, or to solve an important problem.

It is not easy task to find the balance between stepping in because you care about someone and staying out of the way because you trust them to make a choice on their own.  There is never a clear cut answer.  The media illustrates these competing ideas all the time. Super hero productions  epitomize the idealistic view of intervening to solve other peoples’ problems while stern, silent leads keep out of the spotlight and preach about staying out of other people’s business.

Science traditionally isn’t much help either.   In the prominent  interpretations of Richard Dawkins’s selfish gene and Charles Darwin’s origins theories as survival of the fittest, people may have a cynical view of humanity.  People may misinterpret what they are meant to do.  I heard one psychology student adamantly defend the idea that every act is a selfish act shaped by societal expectations.

However, there is a new idea of the biological value of connectedness and compassion which paints a drastically different picture.  Continue reading →

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Winter Step 2: A Podcast to Cast Away Your Blues

02 Monday Mar 2015

Posted by lovelycoach in Pre-Election

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pos_buttonCombine a New Yorker version of Tigger voice with spot on psychology and caring, productive advice and you get The Positive Mind Radio podcast.  Clinical psychologist Armand Dimele discusses topical psychology and then talks to callers about whatever they’re going through, occasionally relating to the same discussion.  His voice and insight are both very remarkable and comforting. A caller will say something as non descript as “I’m making macaroni and cheese,” and he comes back with some uncomprehendable knowledge like, “So you’re the oldest of 5 children and you just broke your arm playing basketball with your Dad, whom never said I love you enough?” And he’s always right.

My sister and I binge listened to his program with smiles on our faces, chiming in every now and then with, “Do you think Joe’s a narcissist?” or “Do you feel that way?”  It’s really the most comforting advice, even if it doesn’t immediately apply to you. It just makes you feel like your world is going to be okay.

Online podcast: http://www.thepositivemind.com/radio_frame.php

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